Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Spotted Dick: A Meditation on Growing Up

One of Slickdeals' "Up and Coming Topics" today is for a 6-Pack of Heinz Brand Spotted Dick. If you're wondering, they're 10 oz. cans and are on sale for $22.48 at Amazon. But I'm not here to sell you on some dick.

Take a look at that Amazon page. I remember there were times and are times when I look at a product's page and I can't stand unhelpful reviews. Maybe they go way off-topic; are written in alternating caps; or are just completely immature. And you can bet I'm gonna put a big, fat "Not Helpful" vote their way.

And people usually follow suit.

Look at this review for the Spotted Dick. 21 out of 22 people said it was helpful. And it's a great big dick. Joke.

But what surprised me more than anything was that that tally went up to 22 of 23 after I left the page. You can't beat a good dick. Joke.

And I realized then that I get a lot of flak for laughing at crude jokes.

I'm 22 at the moment - I get younger when I feel like it - and having just graduated from college, there's extra pressure for me to be super-mature. If you've also just graduated or are younger and had a repressed childhood like mine, you know what I mean.

If you see a friend vigorously shaking a Wii-mote sideways-

If someone says they're having a hard time screwing it in-

If you see someone giving the Heimlich Maneuver-

You can't laugh! They expect you not to laugh!

Why? Because you're older and mature and mature people can't laugh at toilet humor. Look, guys, guys. I didn't get a degree in the arts to stop laughing at sex jokes. I got a degree in the arts to make sophisticated sex jokes.

But I digress. I do get a lot of flak, but I got my flak jacket on and it's gonna take a lot more than digs at my 'maturity' to make me change. Unless you've got a job for me. If you do, I will sell out right now.

The moment you stop laughing is the moment you get old. Life is a long time to be so serious.

Laugh at dirty jokes. It's free; it's fun; and it doesn't take long.

That's what she said.

Not to me.
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